home

in telling the story of who i am

i sometimes forget parts

thank you friends and family

for reminding me what i forgot

showing me how i've grown

and not asking me to tell it again

it's christmas day

and i am onto new year's plans

i'm not even in my christmas sweater yet

or at my uncle's house

feeling scratchy and sweaty and eating things wrapped in bacon

that will happen later

but i am on to new year's plans

and the way i'll feel once i execute them

i am thinking of the yoga classes i will take

that will stretch out my aching body

and make my eyes shine glossy bright

and the scarves i will knit

the kind that you don't wrap, but drape and loop and coil

maybe with a button, or a pocket

with soft soft wool, and many different colors

all on one scarf

the kind of scarf that will stop the trendy girls in the street

and make them dote on me

i am thinking about the horses

i am always thinking about the horses

dreamer

he is beautiful (like spinner)

like someone painted all the brown hairs black

and just left the white alone

or maybe that is just what i want to see

after almost 2 years

i can't talk about him without hiding

when someone asks and listens with their heart

if i take this chance

i may love

i may learn

i may lose

a lot

my heart was set the moment i saw him

*

coty dreams

i don't know what he dreams about

his paws twitch

he barks, muffled barks, that must sound very loud in his dream

maybe he is at the dog park

maybe he is in a pack of wild dogs

maybe he is chasing leo

yesterday i had a biofeedback session and cleanse

i felt the vibrations in my body and organs and muscles

i got tired

my biocleanse water turned orange with black flecks

that means purification of joints and metals

my joints have been cracking a lot

i have been stiff

and stifled

they talked about parasites

i don't know if they meant energy parasites or actual parasites

last night i had a dream

i was pulling ticks off zoe

a lot of them

big fat corn ticks

as i pulled them off they began to turn into fat pink slug-like ticks

i found a way to slide them off gently

all of them

maybe something was cleansed/released/transformed/pushed

dream bullets

*meeting ani difranco who used to be a speech pathologist at eugene hearing and speech

*drinking the sweetest milk i ever drank local and hormone free with blueberries floating in it and eating meatless sausage that i thought was real meat

if i could make one wish for the world

it would be world peace

and zoe louise forever.

things i want to learn

felting
knitting
how to calm a horse with my energy
how to calm myself
diligence with my 'vegetarian' diet
to be true

i am here and i am ready