Sunday, May 24, 2009

bubble wonder

today while i was babysitting we got out the bubble wand and i took a series of photos. later i noticed what i thought to be green and blue orbs in several of them. i consulted a photo wizard and in his expert opinion they totally could be orbs, but could also be lens flare. i believe them to be orbs, and if you met this child, you would understand why they would be drawn to him. he is spilling over with pure childhood curiosity, wonder and bliss. this is my favorite shot.

unpacking to move on

it's time to move again. looking back i see a trend- moves mark transitions for me. my family moved before elementary school, before high school, and as i entered college. i moved into college, after graduating, and again before graduate school. entering a new space externally signals a new beginning internally. even the ending of my love relationships have included insurmountable space between us. i know i created some of that space in an attempt to begin the emotional separation.

i am beginning to wonder if i don't trust my ability to grow and evolve without this physical manifestation of space. although space is necessary for growth- for a plant to sprout, or a thought to evolve, or a heart to breathe. a move to a town so nurturing to the creative and intuitive parts of my being seems too good to be true and too selfish. the guilt is something that i am trying to let dissipate with each breath i take.

i am experiencing a rebirth of myself. i am grateful for the ability to finally listen to my heart, for moving through the fear and trusting my ability to be ok on my own. although lonely at times, i am comforted by a sense of relief and gratitude inside me for this gesture.

as i start packing up my things, i am becoming aware of all that i am bringing with me to this new place. what i want to leave behind seems just as important as what i want to bring with me. is there a way to carry with me the wisdom and insight i have gained from these recent painful experiences, and leave the fear and guilt behind? if i were not physically packing up my things, i would still be unpacking at this time in my life. i will try to remember this part of the process of moving on as well so that i do not run away for the summer, only to wish i had a much lighter backpack.

Friday, May 22, 2009

summer sun

although i am trying to be present in this moment, (right here, typing with the fan, the birds, the breeze) summer is gently and persistently tugging at my heart and constructing elaborate daydreams which i watch all day like old movies reeling on a shaky projector.

my favorite parts:

dancing in the grass
too large sunglasses and sun in my eyes
meditating in nature
finding and strengthening my voice
expressing my heart with my hands
ithaca's creative collective energy
horses as teachers
floating in the lake
friends that touch my soul
experiencing summer through a child's eyes
opening my heart
letting go, creating space