yesterday awake:

floating down the river, lots of big birds, very cold as the sun went down under the trees
disappointed friends as plans fell through- my forgetting

yesterday asleep:

traveling to another time with the hobags. when we were 22 for a summer, to all be together in a town and get jobs. we all woke into this place without a home, snuck into some guys house and slept in his guest room without him knowing. he found us in the am and asked how old we were. he was 28. i said in the future i am 28 but right now i am 22.

i was modeling and not as good as the other girls at posing. i was naked, greg was supporting me, in public, and didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed. people were doing headstands on platforms in the water. i went to try even though it looked hard. manatees were in the water. a lama held me in the water and asked why my left thumb was cracking. he looked deep into my eyes with concern. i said it was old. he scratched blemishes and pimples off my face. there were a lot.

there was a school. a asian female teacher of ASL and younger education, and an older black male teacher of writing and beer brewing. i wanted to be in the education class. i was signing and talking to someone on a tv screen. i signed WOW with both hands and was fooling around. she kicked me out of class. i went to the other class. i was tasting beer. he had so much to teach. i was intimidated.

my mom. something about my mom.

yesterday awake: i asked myself at the sink; could this be a dream? no. day 2 of my 30 day personal yoga challenge. i awakened my fingers and wrists.

last night asleep: i looked down at my feet and had tattoos all up my feet to my ankles. i thought to myself, when did i get a tattoo? i don't remember it hurting. i asked greg- when did i get these? i decided that i got them in a dream of some kind because i had no memory of them. we went to a restaurant. i got up and went to a table near ours and took their order. i recommended my favorite dish and they both ordered it. i told the waitress who was a friend from high school what i did. she was mad. i went outside. there was a huge mossy tree with a river flowing down it. i stood in the river in the tree.

when will the hide and seek end?

yesterday i saw you in the shaman's eyes

he told me to sit down

but i could only stay a second

i had to stay with the group

i didn't want to take you seriously

in front of

all

those

people

running away from home is like that

yesterday i landed hard on the doorstep

and now i wish i had let you in

it's 10:30 at night but i am wondering

what the dandelion had to say

we are a cosmic collision of aliens and primates

imagine that?

(why my toes cling hard to the ground

why my head is twisted up in the stars)

read me the story etched on my DNA
what i am afraid to remember i know

travel through space and time with me
but leave your space suit home

how can i spend the afternoon in a museum

when there are the flowers

and there is the sky

we cannot change enough

to hide our similarities

we are the same

everything else is change

in meeting me

i know you

i love you claire

i have a new teacher named loki
neither of us will fill our base space
we cling to each other like scared children
and challenge each other because we know we should

i can't speak for him
but that's where we are at
so it seems to me

if i held a sign like yours
mine would read "afraid."

i can read between the lines
on your cardboard sign
"vulnerable."
"invisible."

if i weren't afraid i would say
"hi."
"i see you."
"i am sorry that you are suffering."

instead i look ahead
separated by a pane of glass and nothing more
i have change
but will not let it go

every red light in this town
forces me to stop
and see

limp tail dragging on the ground

the base chakra is where she me-owed

little kitty

were you playing in the street again?

i swept and cleaned

feeling nothing

and then something

and then nothing

into the salt bowl

while she half-slept on my lap

wanting to

and trying to

and not

believing

human beings

being humans

now i understand your armor

as i sit here constructing mine
intuition whispers a different way
to defend and define what is i

heavenly earth

"you're not a baby if you feel the world

all of the babies they can feel the world

that's why they cry"

the blow

evol

meghan said

love is evolve spelled backwards, sort of

i made these valentines for the loves of my life

with the hope that it will inspire them to love

and have the courage to evolve

i almost don't want to part with them

so i have captured them here

on this blog

the girl brushing the horse

was the girl in the play

the man riding his bike

was my favorite patient

the woman working the counter

was the woman in my yoga class

unfamiliar faces are coming into focus.

this week i recognized

and was recognized

it doesn't feel like home yet

but i am starting to see what it would feel like

if it did

ow

ow

owie

secret garden

one word to describe my life right now:

uprooted

but i am planting seedlings

in a bathroom closet

and by springtime

they'll all find themselves

at home in solid ground

oh me oh my oh...

"i wanna do right

but not right now"

what a great lyric GW

this resonates with me lately,

every time i set out to do something that i know is good for me

let it out

"every creative act becomes a beacon,

a soul song capable of calling others

to live the truth of who they really are"

linda kohanov

a snapshot reveals

the changes in nature

missed by our flickering eyes

each day through the lens

the image is stable

to measure the growth

we must lay side by side

inspired by andy goldsworthy, this specific photo...and other things...